So 63 days... or 56 days? After the second-ever 30 Seconds of Promos Wrestling Cooperative was supposed to air, finally, there's a crowd gathered in Apollo Park, which to remind you is in Downey, California, home to the oldest active McDonald's on Earth.
Programs have been doled out to the fans, but since the card is only two matches long, it mainly looks like this:
The 30-Seconds of Promos Wrestling Cooperative Presents:
"Here We Go Again!"
Tuesday, November 19, 2019
Live from Apollo Park, Downey, California
Doors: 7pm, First Match: 8pm
Opening Bout:
"Showtime" JT Spencer vrs. Tragik
Main Event:
30SPWC Undisputed Heavyweight Championship Match
"Big Beautiful" Bobbi London (C) vrs. "Loverboy" Vinnie Lane
Alongside a bunch of ads for local businesses that almost overrun the actual card, and yes, the flyer is in comic sans. And no, there are no actual doors; this is a park. The
CTV3 crew are organizing themselves and ready to record. This isn't Pico Rivera, but who cares, Pico Rivera and Downey are basically the same city anyway.
As people fill the lawn chairs, they're greeted t the arrival of The #1 Owner Johnny Bonecrusher, and due to the events of last night at the UGWC's Synergy show, they're more receptive to his appearance than they were at the last show.
He reiterates much of what he said last night, including showing off his retirement tribute package, only this time on one of those TVs you'd see wheeled out into a high-school classroom. It drags along a long-ass extension cord. After the video package is over, he gets a decent ovation.
He then brings out the General Manager Doctor Numbers, Senior Referee Toots "Down The Middle" Dempsey, Interviewer Ambushin' Andy, and Commentator Gary Gab. Numbers discusses the events from the last show in the summertime, then runs down tonight's card as the rest of the staff take their respective positions.
Andy announces
Spencer first, getting a few words from the CTN Executive, briefly discussing issues between CTN and Pierce's PMN, when a throwaway reference to Spencer's sexiness incites the arrival of
Tragik. He whips off the Generic Heel mask and tosses it into the audience. Someone tosses it back.
Tragik grabs the mic and insists that there's room for only one sexy wrestler in 30SPWC.
Spencer disagrees, and a fight breaks out during a wrestling show!
Andy bails and Dempsey tries to separate the men as the bell rings. Who rang the bell? None of your business.
Finally ready for combat, the recently separated men go back at it. The brawl gradually settles back into a somewhat proper wrestling match, but
Tragik blows it with his signature
finger poke to
Spencer's eye followed by a
roll-up pin on the temporarily blinded
Spencer. Dempsey declares a one-count, and
Tragik follows up with a secondary
eye poke, but it's blocked by two of
Spencer's fingers. He tosses
Tragik's arm aside and clotheslines him to the ground. He picks
Tragik back up and goes for
The Black Out, which
Tragik blocks once, twice, three times before shoving
Spencer away and shouting at someone in the crowd. Dempsey looks to see what's going on outside the ring, and
Tragik takes the opportunity to sack
Spencer in the nuts.
Spencer goes down like a person who just got kicked in the nuts, and the fans boo. I mean, they don't like
Spencer either, but, Jesus dude, don't fuck with a man's testicles!
Tragik goes for another pin, but Dempsey miraculously only slaps his hand down twice!
Spencer rolls out of the ring to regain his composure, while
Tragik parades around so very proud of himself.
Tragik then decides to get out of the ring himself to confront
Spencer, but
Spencer musters up the strength to leg sweep him onto the outside of the ring apron, pummeling him before tossing him unceremoniously to the lawn. He goes for
The Final Chapter- wait, he first reenters the ring to reset the count, THEN he locks in
The Final Chapter, which causes
Tragik to howl in pain.
Spencer breaks the hold in order to get back into the ring in time, and a wobbly
Tragik makes it back in as well, but with mere fractions of a second to spare.
Spencer, satisfied with the destruction he's wrought on
Tragik, calls again for
The Black Out, which
Tragik blocks once, but not a second time!
Tragik gets slammed with tremendous impact and after a few seconds, he instinctively clutches at his groin, screaming
"HE HIT HE IN THE BALLS!!!" Spencer looks confused, Dempsey looks confused, but there's no denying that
Tragik's face has gone red, veins bulging out, and he's grunting and groaning in pain. Having little recourse but to take the word of a known liar, Dempsey shouts at an even more confused
Spencer before ringing the bell. After talking to Andy for a second, Andy, also confused, declares
Tragik the winner via disqualification.
Spencer tries to plead his case, but Dempsey confusedly shrugs.
Spencer shoves Dempsey aside before getting a hold of
Tragik, who had been snickering to himself the whole time, and locks him back into
The Final Chapter, refusing to let go until
Tragik feigns passing out. Dempsey yanks and pulls at
Spencer, who finally lets go of the dreaded hold, raising his hands not in victory, but in satisfaction at least. Andy and Gary drag
Tragik out of the ring, who doesn't help matters any by sandbagging them. Fuckin' prick.
After order is resumed, Andy returns to the ring, announcing that the next match is the Main Event! The fans cheer the fuckin' duh proclamation. He brings out
Lane first, who comes out to a mixed reaction. He tells
Lane he's lucky to be getting a title match in his debut, and
Lane seems stoked. He promises to leave Apollo Park the new 30SPWC Undisputed Heavyweight Champion and with that belt, motivate his main squeeze Roxy Cotton to return herself to gold-bearing status in the UGWC and beyond. This results in
London coming out and rapping about how the only thing he's going to leave Apollo Park with is an insatiable urge to want to fatten Roxy up and get with what he can otherwise not have.
Lane didn't get it, so no pre-match brawl occurs.
Dempsey holds up the 30SPWC Undisputed Heavyweight Championship for the crowd who cheer seeing a title belt elevated above an old man's head.
Lane and
London go for a collar-and-elbow tie-up, resulting in
London letting go just to grab a hold of
Lane's hair and yanking him onto his back.
Lane favours the back of his head as
London legit yanked at his hair with all her might. Lane is stunned by this, so
London bounces off the ropes and goes for a big splash, crushing
Lane beyond repair. She gets up, and
Lane rolls out of the ring to regroup. He looks at his larger opponent with disbelief, while
London showboats for the fans. After
Lane's recovered from the uncoverable,
London cordially invites him to reenter her realm.
Lane does so, cautiously.
London calls for a test of strength, which
Lane slowly edges toward his foe in order to acquiesce. They lock up one of each of their hands,
Lane slowly reaching up to connect with
London's other hand... but then just toe kicks her in the gut 10 times in a row, trying to hold her in place with his locked-in hand. He finally lets go, shoving her into the corner turnbuckle. He showboats for the fans now, but gets a bit less of a positive reaction than
London did.
Lane wants to finish this up quickly, so he goes for the
Black Label Driver, but as if that was ever going to happen.
Lane partially hoists
London up for it, but her girth combined with his muscles being turned to ground beef from the splash from earlier, results in him collapsing,
London's ass consuming
Lane's fallen head. The fans collectively
"OHH!!!" at
Lane's status.
London gets back up, and Dempsey keeps her at bay to check on
Lane.
Lane appears traumatized by what just happens, and instinctively yet calmly leaves the ring, hobbling out to the makeshift backstage area. Dempsey and
London are confused at this event, but Dempsey just shrugs and begins the very very very slow 10-count. As
London looks on in confusion,
Tragik makes his way back out from the other side, ambushing
London from behind. He twirls her around, kicks her in her ample gut, and executes a messy-looking
Piledriver, before quickly exiting the ring and disappearing into the night. Meanwhile, Andy and Numbers are trying to get a distraught
Lane to return to the ring in time. Interestingly enough, once he sees that
London is down for whatever reason, he makes a beeline for the ring, sliding in and immediately going for the pin. Dempsey counts all the way up to 2.999999999 but
London somehow manages to get a shoulder up with 0.000000001 seconds to go or something.
Lane is beside himself and the fans are glad it didn't end that way.
Lane grabs
London by the hair, slowly getting her to her feet.
Lane sets her up to activate
Operation: Mindcrime... but
London reverses it just in time, hoisting
Lane up for a
Bye Bye Barbie, dropping
Lane to the mat hard.
Lane groans and rolls to the corner. That took a lot out of
London, who is taking extra long to return to a vertical base. Lane slowly gets to his feet too, wondering why he returned to the ring in the first place.
London glares at
Lane before furiously charging at him for a corner turnbuckle splash that would kill 100 men... only thankfully we don't witness a murder this evening, as
Lane gets out of the way just in time.
Lane takes this opportunity to get a hold of
London, and with his last ounce of strength, gets her up for
Operation: Mindcrime... and succeeds! Having pulled every muscle in his and several other people's bodies performing that miracle, he gingerly drapes himself over
London, as Dempsey goes for the 1... 2... 3!!!
The fans boo, but the writing was on the wall for poor
London; one head-drop was nearly enough to put her away, but the second one from the legal competitor was too much even for the longest-reigning 30SPWC Undisputed Heavyweight Champion. Dempsey raises
Lane's arm in victory which causes him to yelp in pain. He can't even lift the title above his head or at all, merely dragging it away as Gary informs the fans that this stinks of treachery and back alley dealings, and that at the next show in 2021, there will certainly be hell to pay.
Good night, everybody!